I have lived in Gaza all my life but, honestly, I barely remember the details of my life two months ago. So much has changed – and it was already a year of major change in my personal life.
In May 2022, I married my wife, Maryan. Over the past year, we have designed and built our house together, inch by inch. Maryan chose the color of the curtains and furniture. We did everything together, going here and there, to restaurants, to people’s houses. We had a life. We had a community. And in June of this year we had a daughter.
Although we have experienced other conflicts before, this is the first that has occurred since I got married and had a child. It’s totally different. I don’t know how to describe it, but with everything that happens to me, I always think of my wife and my daughter, Kylie. It is not like it used to be. I have responsibilities as a new father.
We don’t set an alarm because we don’t sleep very well and we also wake up to the sound of bombing.
I am a Palestinian Christian living in Gaza. We have a small community of Christians here – about 900 people out of two million. We all know each other because we are all one community. Of course, we have had difficult times before, with more modest escalations. But we were able to overcome them. We didn’t have to leave our homes. This time we knew it wouldn’t be the same. Two days after the conflict began, without any hesitation, my family went to St. Porphyry Greek Orthodox Church. We have been living in the church for almost two months. I can say that we “live” in the church – not stay or shelter – because it really feels like we live here.
Every day we wake up in a room with 300 other people. We don’t set an alarm because we don’t sleep very well and we also wake up to the sound of bombing. There is nothing to do other than help distribute food and water, but we have many roles and responsibilities in this effort. After two months, we gained good experience.
We have a shower schedule for each person. We have a line in the morning for people to go to the bathroom and a schedule to hand wash clothes. We only have two hours of electricity a day if we’re lucky, because we don’t have enough fuel. During these two hours, everyone charges their phone, laptop or whatever they need. And we help each other cook. We need to make sure we have supplies that can last a while because we don’t know how long it’s going to last. We haven’t eaten a single fruit or vegetable in over 50 days. Each day that passes is even harder than the day before. My daughter was unable to receive two essential vaccines and is sick from polluted drinking water.
They have lost photos, memories of their childhood, their marriages, stages of their lives – possessions that no one can replace or rebuild.
Stress level is high. Before, we didn’t think about food or electricity. It seemed like small things in our daily lives. Now our entire days are scheduled and defined by them. We have no internet connection and poor connection with mobile devices. Sometimes we can’t reach our friends or families who are not with us. Sometimes we hear bad news about our friends, news we should have heard 10 days ago. But we are doing everything we can to hold on. We are doing our best to stay strong.
During the break in fighting, my wife and I were able to leave the church to return to visit our home. I don’t know how to describe our visit. Maybe we would be better off if we hadn’t had this chance to come back. We drove my car and saw what the city has become. It’s all on the ground. Demolished. We barely recognize the streets. It’s a horror show. Words, videos, not even pictures, cannot describe what it is like to drive through Gaza and see the destruction. It’s beyond comprehension.
During the fighting break, my wife and I returned to our house to grab some things: water and food. We found our cat, Louki, who really looked like our first child. He had survived. When we visited our house, we felt like it might be the last time; our house could be the next to be demolished. We looked at every inch of the house because we put it together. When I got married, I spent all my savings to build the house. I spent everything I had because I wanted to live comfortably in our home and raise our family. We never imagined we could lose him so soon.
My dream is a place where I can live and work, where my wife works and where my children can live in a peaceful environment, without violence.
Here, more than 70 percent of residents no longer have a home. They also lost their stores, their businesses. Many live on the streets. If the war ended now, no one would be able to return to their pre-conflict lives, even if their houses were standing, because they would have neither water, nor electricity, nor any of the essentials for living. . There are no stores, no supermarkets, nothing to buy. And even if they managed to rebuild, it would never be the same. They have lost photos, memories of their childhood, their marriages, stages of their lives – possessions that no one can replace or rebuild.
Now that the fighting has started again, we can no longer leave the church at all. Currently we hear a lot of bombing around us. We are no longer surprised when we hear heavy bombing. We know the tanks are around us. Two days ago my car was totaled because it was parked in a schoolyard next to our church.
As Christmas approaches, no one here is going to party like usual, even though we live together here at church. We have no desire to celebrate because we lost 17 of our relatives and friends here on these grounds. in a bombing. It will be impossible to feel the joy of Christmas – without decorating a Christmas tree and dressing up in our best outfits. We will only attend masses.
Honestly, we’re not doing well. I can clearly say that my dream for my family is now completely different from my dreams the day before this crisis began. What I want for my family and what I want for Gaza are the same: peace. My dream is a place where I can live and work, where my wife works and where my children can live in a peaceful environment, without violence, without conflict with any other party. It’s the only dream I can imagine. This is what I want and hope for: a safe place where we can guarantee that there will be no conflicts and where people can actually realize their dreams and start building their lives.
I spent a large part of my childhood on the grounds of this church where we were staying. It has always been a close-knit and welcoming space. Since we are a small Christian community here in Gaza, we all know each other. We got married within our community. If the people here are not cousins or relatives, they are extended family. We know that any moment could be our last. All the people who died also had dreams. They had parents or were parents. They had families and friends who loved them, who looked for them, who miss them and mourn them now that they are gone. I would like people to know that there is another life in Gaza other than this horror. There are civilians who have hopes and dreams. There are people who believe in peace and who just want to live in peace.
