Late last month, North Point Community Church hosted the Unconditional Conference, billing the gathering as an event “for parents of LGBTQ+ children and for ministry leaders looking to discover ways to support LGBTQ+ parents and children in their churches.” This would create a “calmer middle space” on a controversial topic, organizers said.
As the critics were quick to note, the Atlanta-area conference brought together speakers who are either in same-sex relationships or support those who are, and on Sunday, North Point pastor Andy Stanley preached a sermon in response to criticism of the event. This message is now available online. (Stanley delivered it twice, and exterior recordings of both services have been posted elsewhere.)
Stanley spent much of the sermon recounting the history of the conference, which was developed to meet the pastoral needs of both the Church’s youth struggling with same-sex attraction and the parents of the Church whose children (who were often – but not necessarily – adults themselves) were coming out. He argued that this pastoral goal merits involving these particular speakers, outlined what he teaches about sexual ethics, and explained how churches can move forward on this issue. Unfortunately, although Stanley expressed his commitment to a New Testament sexual ethic, he also seriously undermined this teaching.
Stanley described his understanding of Christian sexual ethics with three guidelines:
- Honor God with your body.
- Don’t let anything control you.
- Do not sexualize any relationship outside of marriage.
Biblical marriage is one between a man and a woman, he said, pointing out that every New Testament text dealing with homosexuality teaches that it is a sin. “It was a sin then,” Stanley said, “and it’s a sin now.”
That’s what has always been taught at North Point and will continue to be taught, he added. But before and after this part of the sermon, Stanley contradicted this ethic.
The most controversial speakers were Justin Lee and Brian Nietzel, whom Stanley described as “two married gay men” who are also “followers of Christ today.” They were invited to speak — and had done so at previous gatherings in North Point — he said, because their stories of growing up in religious environments while experiencing same-sex attraction would be “informative and inspiring”.
But having a same-sex relationship (whether or not it is recognized by the state as a marriage) is disobeying Jesus, not following him. Jesus defined marriage as the union of one man and one woman (Matt. 19:3-6) and the only permissible context for sexual behavior (Matt. 15:19-20 and parallel references, where “sexual immorality” in our English editions is a translation of the Greek word pornoeiageneric term designating any sexual activity outside of marriage).
This teaching is consistent throughout Scripture, and a homosexual union clearly contradicts it. By being in such a union, Lee and Nietzel live in continued and unrepentant disobedience to Christ. And: “If we claim to have fellowship with (God) and yet walk in darkness, we lie and do not live the truth” (1 John 1:6).
The decision to invite these speakers fares no better when examined from a pastoral perspective.
Lee and Nietzel were invited because of their stories, Stanley said, because they were where many of the church’s children are now. That may be true, but is that a good reason to invite them? Why not invite speakers who grew up in the church, recognized their same-sex attraction, and then lived in obedience to Jesus, whether through faithful singleness or faithful biblical marriage? Speakers with this history could offer the same personal insight into their childhood experiences without implicitly validating a trajectory toward same-sex relationships.
And Lee and Nietzel’s invitation is not the only way Stanley and the Unconditional Conference have implied acceptance of same-sex relationships. Some same-sex attracted people can live “chaste lives,” Stanley said, but “for many, that’s not sustainable, so they choose same-sex marriage, not because they’re convinced it’s biblical. They read the same Bible as us. They chose to get married for the same reasons many of us do: love, companionship and family.
Parents and churches cannot control that decision, Stanley said, but can only “decide how we respond.” North Point’s response, he continued, is that “if anyone desires to follow Jesus – whatever their starting point, whatever their past, whatever their current circumstances – our message is to come see and come and sit with me. »
Stanley argues that this response is not about “condoning sin” but about “restoring relationships.” But this comes after he apparently accepted the premise that chastity is “not sustainable,” meaning that chastity teaching is not sustainable. God himself is not lasting (Rom. 1:24-27).
Certainly, some churches make singles’ lives more difficult than they need to be, and how to change that is an urgent conversation. Any church where being single (for whatever reason) means living a life without love fails to be a New Testament church. The love between a husband and wife is a unique form of love, but it is not the only form of love: “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35).
But to accept that a biblically forbidden relationship is permissible – or the less bad way to follow – is to contradict the biblical sexual ethics affirmed by Stanley in that same sermon. I have always been single. Overall, it has been profoundly joyful. But I am not immune to temptation, and when a leader suggests to me that chaste obedience to Christ in celibacy is not sustainable, he is telling me exactly the same thing the Devil says.
Two texts from the New Testament show us the seriousness of all this. The first is one of three passages that directly address homosexuality:
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor the idolaters, nor the adulterers, nor those who have sex with men, nor the thieves, nor the covetous, nor the drunkards, nor the slanderers, nor the extortioners. will inherit the kingdom of God. And that’s what some of you were. But you have been washed, you have been sanctified, you have been justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Cor. 6:9-11)
Homosexuality is listed here as one of the behaviors characteristic of a life that will not inherit the kingdom of God. And while it is entirely fair to point out that homosexuality is not the only form of sin, it is nonetheless – clearly and inevitably – one of them.
This is behavior that requires repentance. Eternity is at stake. To say or even imply that it is possible to persist in this sin is nothing short of sending people to hell – and a profound failure of pastoral responsibility. We could not say with Paul, “I am innocent of the blood of all, for I have not hesitated to declare to you the whole counsel of God” (Acts 20:26-27, ESV).
But there is a dimension to this that goes beyond pastoral failure. In his letter to the church in Thyatira, Jesus not only rebukes the person whose teaching leads his people to sexual sin; he reprimands the Church which tolerates such teaching. “I have this against you: you tolerate this woman Jezebel, who calls herself a prophet,” he said. “By her teaching she deceives my servants and pushes them into sexual immorality” (Revelation 2:20).
This means that the problem at the Unconditional Conference is not just that inappropriate speakers were presented or that Stanley gave (at best) mixed messages about sexual sin. North Point as a whole is involved. If the Church continues to tolerate such things, it exposes itself to censure from Christ himself.
Stanley’s stated goal here is love. This is the right goal, and love involves doing everything we can to understand what our brothers and sisters are experiencing. This requires kindness and compassion towards those who are suffering. But love involves much more: “This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and doing his commandments” (1 John 5:2).
Disobedience not only fails God; it lets his people down. It’s not just a lack of discipleship; it’s a lack of love for others. Loving young people struggling with homosexuality and loving their parents requires obedience to God. Only then can we point others to Him who is love incarnate, in whom alone is true life.
Sam Allberry is associate pastor of Immanuel Nashville and the author of Is God anti-gay? And You’re Not Crazy: The Gospel Reason for Weary Churches.
