ATLANTA – The importance of listening cannot be overstated. It’s fundamental. Consider the simple biological fact that before we could speak, we could listen. It is, in a sense, the sun around which all human interactions revolve. Every day, relationships are created, maintained, strained, or destroyed simply because of someone’s willingness (or refusal) to listen. There is a positive correlation between how much someone values us and their willingness to listen to us.
Depending on the context, listening can save (or cost) lives. Any soldier, police officer or doctor will tell you this. When people are at their lowest point and considering taking the irreversible step of ending their lives, what is the best thing to offer them? It’s not a mouth that speaks. He’s a listening ear.
Additionally, the importance of listening has long been understood. Epictetus, an ancient Greek philosopher, born only 50 years after the death of Christ, once said: “We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
The funny thing about listening is that despite our collective knowledge of its immense importance, we humans aren’t very good at it. A typical study finding noted by authors Bob Sullivan and Hugh Thompson in their 2013 book “The Plateau Effect: Moving from Stuck to Success” would be that after attending a 10-minute oral presentation, half of the adults I cannot describe the content of the presentation moments after its conclusion. Forty-eight hours later, 75% no longer remember the content of the presentation.
(If you really want to laugh, know that the vast majority of people consider themselves good listeners.)
We are not very good at listening. And this fact is killing us. Okay, “kill” is a bit dramatic. A better word is cost. The fact that we are not very good at listening costs us dearly.
It costs us our trust in each other. We don’t listen to each other because we don’t have to. We live in cities and neighborhoods separated by political affiliation. Social media has given us the power to be our own news agency, dictating the news of the day. We use this immense power in childish ways, choosing to receive only information that reinforces our own beliefs and fits our worldview of what is important. There is no current reality, neither physical nor digital, in which we can be forced to consider competing points of view. We can now make entire worlds in which competing points of view do not exist.
This is costing us our trust in our institutions. Politics seems to be the only area where the main condition for inclusion is the inability (or outright refusal) to listen. Locally, Cleveland’s No. 24, on police oversight, and this year’s No. 38, on the people’s budget, are the result of elected officials (and police) failing to listened to the people of Cleveland. At the state level, ballot measures on abortion rights and recreational marijuana both stem from the inability (or outright refusal) of the Ohio General Assembly to listen.
Nationally, there is no shortage of evidence that our politicians are not listening. One of the few things most Americans agree on is that they would like someone other than Donald Trump or Joe Biden to be the next president. Nonetheless, both major political parties are likely to nominate both men to the position. The majority of Americans continue to favor stricter gun laws. Gun laws remain the same. Disregarding the wishes of the majority is literally ingrained in the electoral process. Just look at the Electoral College.
To be clear, I don’t mean that listening means agreeing. You don’t have to agree with a competing point of view to be able to say you listened to it. Reasonable minds can, and often do, disagree. However, the prerequisite for any reasonable disagreement is mutual listening. This is the very definition of disagreeing with something you haven’t taken the time to hear or made a sincere effort to understand. That would mean you disagree only because it’s not what you think.
The good news is that we know how to restore our trust in each other and in our institutions. We just have to start listening. First towards each other. And then, hopefully, the institutions charged with serving us will follow suit.
The bad news is that listening is harder than it seems. This is why we are bad. But there are many tips for improving your listening skills, such as limiting (ideally eliminating) distractions while listening, focusing on what is being said rather than what you want to say next, and paraphrasing and summarizing. what was said to show and crystallize understanding. .
As with all things, practice makes perfect. But if there’s one skill you should want to hone, it’s your listening skills. Some of you may be different, but most of us learn by listening, not by talking.
Community editorial board member Eric Foster is a columnist for The Plain Dealer and cleveland.com. Foster is an attorney in private practice. The opinions expressed are his own.
To contact Eric Foster: ericfosterpd@gmail.com
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