As a trans man, joining a fraternity seemed like the most masculine activity I could do in college.
When I arrived at American University, I wanted to rush. Although I had a few male friends at home, I didn’t have many at university. I imagined beer, football and stocks, which didn’t interest me, but they also seemed like ways to perfect masculinity. What’s more manly than joining a fraternity? I was afraid of this type of man and felt like I had to become him to win him over.
While I was rushing, I fell in love with Beta Theta Pi, but it wasn’t at all what I expected. Not only did I meet other queer men, but I discovered a larger community of respectful and caring men. I was made an offer and eventually initiated as the first trans brother in my chapter.
At first, I tried my best to appear as masculine as possible, so they wouldn’t realize I was trans, but my guard quickly came down. I remember sitting on the couch with one of the brothers while I was engaging. I was so nervous, but I decided to tell him I was trans. I told him through a shaky breath. His answer ? “Oh cool.” Even before they realized I was trans, I never heard a single transphobic comment. They were legitimately accepting men.
During my first semester as a brother, I joined the disciplinary council which I loved. This semester, I was elected vice president of education. Due to unexpected circumstances, the presidential position became vacant. I was elected without contest. It was monumental. Not only did the brothers accept me as one of their own, they wanted me to lead them. Not only did they view me as a man and their peer, but also as someone who could lead them. If a trans man can be president of a fraternity, what other opportunities are there that seem impossible for transgender people?
I recognize that transness and Greek life do not always match and I know that Greek life is not suitable for all trans people. At my fraternity’s national convention, a constitutional amendment that would replace “male” with “persons identifying as male” as eligible to rush did not pass. This change would allow non-cis men to join the fraternity on a national level. The brothers who represented my chapter fought tooth and nail for this with me in mind. They knew how important those few words were to Beta’s future and spoke against dozens of other brothers.
I can’t speak to other fraternities, especially schools with larger Greek life systems, but my experience has been invaluable. When I had major surgery last summer and lost my dad, my text messages were filled with brothers checking in and sincerely asking me what they could do to support me. Transphobia is rampant these days, but Beta serves as comfort for me.
I get nervous when the topic of Greek life comes up in my classes. Because of my deep voice and facial hair, I’m afraid my classmates will see me as just another frat boy, but I also don’t want to expose myself to all the strangers. I decided to let our reputation speak for itself. All my friends feel comfortable around my brothers and I’m proud to be part of a group that fully accepts me as a trans man. I know that Beta does not fall into a stereotype, and my election is proof of that.
My time in Beta taught me a lot of things about myself, but also about being a man. I thought being masculine meant commandeering and suppressing emotions, but my fraternity taught me that masculinity is compassion, trust, and integrity, and I am so proud to be a Beta.
Elliot Zeman is a student in the College of Arts and Sciences
This article was edited by Jelinda Montes, Zoe Bell, Alexis Bernstein and Abigail Pritchard. Reviewed by Isabelle Kravis and Sarah Clayton.